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Monday, 26 Jan 2015
JAMAICA, LAND OF TRAUMATISED VAGINAS by Claude Mills PDF Print E-mail
Written by MILLSY   

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I was having a conversation with one of my female friends, a gynaecologist last week poolside at the Hilton and she dropped a phrase on me that struck my funny bone, right in the sweet spot, so much so I almost spat out my apple vodka martini. She was railing about how Jamaica was a land of the 'traumatised vaginas' because of the 'daggering culture' that prevails in this country and how men need to understand the delicate petals of a flower that is a woman and blah-de-blah-blah-blah.

 

I wasn't surprised.

In Jamaica, look at all the active verbs used to describe the male's role in the sexual act: 'slap', 'dagger' 'step inna har tings', 'stamp', 'jump inna it', 'stamina daddy', 'draw gear inna it', 'slam', 'ram', 'jam', 'rod', 'dig out', 'rev out', 'work', 'stab it', 'saaka saaka' are just a few of the words that have emerged from the counter-culture, and you cannot forget the classic dancehall songs that advocate that you 'move-her-womb'. But may be, just may be, things are changing because the current phrase that is all the rage in Jamaica to describe the sexual act is Potential Kidd's 'Ah Ya So Nice'. AH YA SO NICE!!!!

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But I digress, you don't have to spend your hours reading Ms., and Cosmopolitan, and watching "chick" movies, to compile a great deal of knowledge about how to be the kind of man women want ­ a man who gives them a variety of options.

Variety is the name of the sex game. Women can lie and tell each other that they want a man who is going to 'make love to every square centimetre of my body', and who will 'go down on her till she cries "cree"'. But wouldn't even that get stale after a while?

Protest all you want, every human being on the planet loves a sweaty 'Me Tarzan, You Jane' romp which could have taken place in a dank cave during the brutal days of the Stone Age. Take this case, for instance. Say you meet a nice girl, the kind of girl who makes you want to flip it out, shake it and reverse it, and she digs you back. The relationship progresses well, and by the third date, it's about time for you to do the horizontal mombo.

Which would you prefer? Do you want her to say 'make sweet passionate love to me please Sylvester', or do you want her to grab the back of your neck, and growl 'make me your whore', or 'it's yours, mash it up'?

Just tell me, guys, 'cause I'd really like to know. Do women like jackhammer sex or not? If you listen to the women talk, they don't, but I never heard any of them complain before. Hey, if they didn't like it, why would they be shouting 'harder! harder!'?

Commented one 30-year-old accountant, Rohan Nelson:

"Some women dig the deep thrust method because it inflames the most sensitive areas of the vagina. Plus I have found some women find it difficult to have an orgasm unless you're really pummelling them. And I find it funny that when you hit third gear and they begin to climax, they start asking for more, and you're thinking, how much faster can I go?"

 

Rough sex has always had its attraction. It is just evolutionary psychology 101, a rule of natural selection that the men who are physically able to overcome the final defences of a female and achieve insemination leave more offspring than those who are not. That is probably one of the reasons that a favourite female
fantasy is being 'role-play raped'.

Men, because of the caveman within, sometimes perceive and use sex as a weapon, and that is why they become prime candidates for Better Sex Through Chemicals, using things like 'stone', Indian God, and the 'gungo' to increase their sexual prowess. The current chemical fave is the African Black Ants that is favourite among dancehall artistes.

Men believe that good mind-blowing sex can control women. Just mention to a man that so-and-so's woman is acting up, and what is the first comment out of his mouth?

"Him nah wok har right, trust me rude bwoy! That's why she ah behave so."

Most men feel that once you can 'perform', everything else will fall into place, and on the Rock, 'performing' is often a euphemism for 'rough, bruising sex'. But I blame women partly for this. They often don't tell you what they want, and expect us to shoulder all the work, so men sometimes just end up using a technique that more often than not works ­ the faithful jackhammer where afterwards, you may have to ask her: 'Are you OK? Should I call 119?'

Maybe rough sex is just a thin veil disguising another truth, that both sexes have become so confused with their roles that they have a difficult time being intimate with each other. And when all else fails, 'slam-bam-thank-you-mam' is a nice fall-back position and the next best thing.

Next week I will focus on oral sex, which has gained a curious sort of acceptance in a country where eating was verbotem, but now it is a la mode. The man dem a eat hard. Just ask my friend and popular promoter, who called me last week saying 'mi have a new eating technique weh me eat the gal dem fi a hour and mek dem shout mi name inna Chinese...but mi nah tell yu bout it cause yu nah link me from wah day ya'. But that's for another time.

Last Updated on Saturday, 10 March 2012 11:28
 

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