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MILLSY'S MIND: OH BABY...Talking Dirty During Sex Featured

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IN THE throes of passion, many people have been known to yell out some of the kinkiest, if not nastiest phrases known to man. Locked into some high-impact fantasy of sorts, they sometimes even shock their less-expressive partners with choice verbs, lewd, moment-specific comments and dangling modifiers that spoil the magic of the moment.



And, believe it or not, even the men complain.

"I remember once I made love to this girl who kept on shouting 'pound my whatever-whatever, you bastard!'. It kinda threw me off man," one young man complained.

Bedroom cussing is a delicate art and, more often than not, it is the women who are the squeamish partners. This presents a dilemma for most men: What does she want to hear exactly? Is she expecting porno talk or does she want you to be suave and use creative language to describe her genitalia?

To cuss or not to cuss...Do women like it when you talk dirty?

"I like it. I can be playful, snuggly, or blunt. But it largely depends on the mood I am in. I don't like to be called a 'whore, bitch or slut', but I like a guy who is talkative during sex, and I will urge him on," Megan Robertson, 24 year-old accounting clerk, said.

Other women are less squeamish about smutty chit-chat in the bedroom. "Anything goes. If we're both trying to fulfil each other's fantasies, talking only helps to add more to the sexual energy," said Elaine James, a divorced 32-year-old computer analyst. "I say crazy things when I make love, and it turns on my guy to the max or otherwise lovemaking can become routine."

However, in an informal Voice survey, 10 out of 12 women liked naughty words and dirty talk as long as it did not involve words like slut, whore or bitch. In addition to those demeaning words, three women had a problem with the promise of rough sex. For instance, phrases like 'mi a go kill yu wid it, and the whose blankety blank is this?' were a no-no because they were the precursor to a session of pummelling.

Two women, one of them over 50, disliked any sort of loud noises and innuendo-laden chit-chat during sex.

"I am not into the noise thing, you can't encourage men with that sort of thing. What about the kids? What about the neighbours? I don't want to have to walk and hold my head down the following morning."

Four of the women surveyed had no qualms "as long as the bitch, or slut thing is part of some role-playing fantasy".

"The only thing that upset me one time was when a partner of mine told me he wanted to do it with my best friend. That ticked me off. Obviously it was something he had been thinking about, and it just slipped out," one woman said.


"Men are ridiculous creatures when it comes to bedroom activity. They say the weirdest things. They always say things like 'say my name, say my name', and sometimes I just oblige them so that they can finish quickly, and I can go to sleep, read a book, or go back to watching my soap opera," said one 32-year-old marketing agent.

"A woman only seems excited when you talk dirty to her because she has been programmed by the media to believe that males want her to be excited during sex."

Psychologist Dr. Leachim Semaj believes that 'dirty talk' is really innocuous when it is done by two partners in the privacy of the bedroom.

"There are times when you can facilitate each other. There are women and men who are aroused by dirty talk, and if you give your partner what he or she needs, you will also reap the benefits," Dr. Semaj said.

"The problem arises when it is a turn off for one of the partners. My advice then would be to treat the whole thing as a game, there is no long-term damage associated with dirty talk, so if the relationship is an otherwise healthy one, you can give your partner what he or she needs to trigger an arousal cue," he explained.

Dr. Semaj related the story of a man who, because of his socialisation and a hellish adolescence with his mother -- an authoritative headmistress who often verbally abused womenkind -- grew up with a 'Madonna-whore complex' that affected his marriage.

"He defined women in extremes, either a Madonna (virginal) or a whore. For him to be aroused, the woman had to be either a whore or act like one. He was married, but he got himself into compromising situations because he could only be aroused by a certain kind of woman ," Dr. Semaj said.

Read 13228 times Last modified on Wednesday, 02 June 2010 01:56

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