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Think about it by CLAUDE MILLS @one876

Press Release Written by  Sunday, 26 July 2015 13:20 font size decrease font size increase font size 0
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WE, YOUNG people today, work too hard as it is already, and too often for the benefit of other people ­without adequate remuneration.

Here are a few tips that will get you through the working experience without losing what's left of your mind, and without too many tumours in delicate areas of your body:

1. Believe in institutions, don't marry them. Be receptive to change. The mind should be a highway for all thoughts. Just because a particular function has been performed in one way from time immemorial does it mean that is the only way to get it done. Don't be afraid to break the rules.

2. Make excuses to go outside, tell them you have to go on a cigarette break or something so that you can see that gorgeous wedge of blue sky, and preserve a sense of scale about your own role in this vast universe.

3. Play games that you can win. Winning is nice, it boosts self-confidence. Resist the temptation to become a poor loser though as this is a vice that is hard to break once it has taken hold.

4. Spend a portion of each day in idleness, no matter how much your boss rails about efficiency, and approaching redundancies.

5. Spend a part of each day studying beauty in any form.

6. Do not have sex in the office. Fantasize about it, but don't do it. Respect the office furniture.

7. Never complain. Never explain. Don't worry about making enemies. Every great person needs a foil who pushes him or her to perform at that ultimate peak level that is only possible under intense competition. Like Napoleon said: "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer."Show no fear.

8. Laugh. Never underestimate the healing power of laughter in these stressful times. Shake up the world a little. Do not be afraid to step on a few toes along the way. Let them know that you are alive.

9. Do not take criticism like cold porridge. Absorb all that you can; listen to other people. Don't worry about the critics, precious few of them possess an artist in them. They are a desperate shrivelled lot who think nothing is real unless they can feel it, peel it, stroke it or smoke it.

10. In all that you do, ensure that you admire people who do it as well as or even better than you can. Dream. Do not be afraid to experiment and to try new avenues of getting things done.

11. Wear clean underwear. My mother is a fanatic about this. I won't argue with her. Follow this advice always. You can thank me later.

12. Don't write disparaging remarks in magic marker about your boss on the inside of the doors of the stalls in the company bathroom. You may think this is a neat way of slamming your boss without getting caught. Handwriting experts will tell you different. For those who came in late, remember the Great Graffiti in the Bathroom Incident of '98.

13. Do not expect employee snacks to be subsidised.

14. Wear sensible but comfortable shoes. Leave your porno mags at home where they belong. And oh, I can't repeat this enough, wear clean underwear.

15. Beware of ambitious friends. They can be great allies in lean days but when the Corporate Version of Snake & Ladder begins --- beware. The Friendship Knife is only a few key strokes away.

16. Do not give Helga, the double-jointed belly dancer from the local go go club your work number. Do not ask why. Trust me on this one.

17. Do not make let memos darken your day. Leave work problems at work, do not import them into your home. When the stress gets to a psychotic level, grin at the water cooler and go home.

18. Get up early and watch the sun struggle into place. Five o'clock occurs in the morning too. And there are few more majestic sights than watching intimations of dawn colour the early morning sky in an array of orange, yellow and brick-red.

19. The next thousand years are already on us. How do you want to remembered? Do not be afraid to live. Each day has its own endless vistas of possibility, pursue as many as possible so that when your path comes to the clearing in the woods, you will not be afraid to let go of this sick, sad world.

20. Stop beating up on yourself. You are beautiful, remember that. Learn to accept the nature of things, you can rage against the system for only so long. Avoid immoral people who equate money with life. And do not get into rathole thinking peculiar to those broken people who can only validate their own existence by making others miserable and afraid.

21. Lastly, a note on personal relationships. Do not date people who have an irrational fear of soap. If the other person's idea of a first date includes vandalism, public indecency and illegal activity, dump them.

You can e-mail me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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